Time is drawing near. I’ve started collectly the random things I will need to bring with me, finalizing this trip even more in my head. I’ve decided I am not coming home for Christmas. I’ve made this decision with mixed feelings but I’m set on it. I’m sure when December 15th roles around I might feel like kicking myself because I’m going to miss my Mommy, my family, and my Brooklynites, and all my other friends (and my best friends baby who is due Sept. 13th who I hope I hope I hope comes early!). But I know it is what God is leading me to do.
I can’t get away from feeling how blessed I am. I am a complainer by nature, just ask anyone who knows me. I’ll complain until the sun comes up and then down again. It is something that I work on but it’s a slow process to get better when it is so ingrained in you. But anyways, there are days like today when I really look around and am amazed by the amount of heaping over blessings God has given me just recently. Just my family really being back in my life, the great friends I have, the finanical blessings for this trip that I know has to be Him providing.
I knew I wanted to go to Africa but I don’t know that I ever really thought it could be possible. Even signing up for this trip I don’t think I really had faith that it would work out, I figure that I would try but it wouldn’t happen and I would have to drop out and look stupid. But I’m not dropping out, I am going to have the money I need to go. I shouldn’t be surprised, he is a great big God and he owns all the money in the world but it makes me feel good that he cares
enough to make sure enough got sent my way to get me to Africa. But I guess that’s just how things work. I feel like God has already started putting me through training. Yes the finances are coming in pretty easily but it does take work on my part. If you know me you know how much of a procrastinator I am at everything. Everyday I know I hear God reminding me and pushing me to work on more Africa stuff. I sometimes get sacred I don’t want to think about Africa or work on any of the things I need to do because I fall into the land of “What if…” but even there in that dark, scary, faithless, destitue place I can still hear God calling to me to trust Him and for once I really do trust Him. Trust is hard and I really don’t give it too easily not even to God. (Now this kitty knows how to trust!)
Through this process he calls me to trust Him and I have and I continue to, it even surprises me that I am. In the past whenever I was in a place that called for trust it was like this warning signal went off in my brain, “DANGER DANGER DANGER!!!” Somehow God has broken thru my walls and has quieted my warning signals. Thank the Lord Jesus in Heaven because if he didn’t I wouldn’t be where I am today.
