I want that Loyalty

Even Esther in all her courage and Godly wisdom went through a time of doubt.  Mordecai told Ester to go to the King and intercede and please with him for her people (4:8).   And Ester repilied,
“Everyone who works for the king here, and even the people out in the provinces, knows that there is a single fate for every man or woman who approaches the king without being invited:
DEATH.” (4:10)  In so many words she was telling Mordecai,
“No, I can’t do what your asking me to, the chance of death is too high.”  Now eariler in the book when Mordecai told her not to tell anyone she was a Jew, she did as she was told, she did not question.  But think about it, she was

being taken into the palace of a gentile King and she was a jew.  At the moment they took her the hatred of the jews was not as rampant, she could of spoke up and been kicked out.  I know she grew to love King Xerxes but that first night she must of cried herself to sleep.  She was a girl of morals and she knew what he had done to Queen Vashti and I’m sure that she agreed with Vashti.  So why did a girl who was always very loyal and always listened to what Mordecai told her without question now question him? 
It reminds me of how Satan gets his fingers on even those who seem so strong.  He found her weakness and prayed upon it.  Of couse, she was afraid of death but she was also afraid of this man who she knew as her husband being displeased with her and not loving her anymore.  So, for those moments that it took for her message to be deliver to Mordecai and another message to come back, she stopped her destiny.  She said
“No, I will not scarfice for others, I will not put everything in my life I hold dear and my life itself on the chopping block for someone else, even if it is my race.”  And what did Mordecai say?  He said,
“Don’t think your safe because of your position, the hatred of the jews will reach even you, but if you choose to stay silent, someone else will rise up and save the jews but we will all be dead by then and your refusal will be in vain.  Maybe you were made queen for such a time as this.”  (This shows us that even Esther who seems so vastly important could of been replaced.  Had she choose to say no and not risk everything someone else would of stepped up somehow and the work would of been done through them.  God doesn’t need us to complete His will, it is His will for us to listen but if we choose not to He will accomplish it through another.)  I think a light bulb went off in Esther head making her see without a doubt that this is what God was asking of her and whatever His plan may be she must accept it. 
How many of us could do that?  Choose to accept the plan God has lay out of us knowing that it has an almost 95% chance of ending in death.  If someone told me that going to Africa would almost definitely mean I was going to die, I would have a hard time going even though I know it’s God’s will.  In a way I wouldn’t even say that she had trust in God to work it out so that she wouldn’t die, she just accepted that His will was just that His will and if her death was in His will then she accepted it.